Friday, July 13, 2012
So, recently, for the first time in a long time, I'm entirely single. Technically I haven't been in a real-life, local relationship in a year and a half, but now the lingering relationship is done too. I leave my phone in the other room at night to stop myself from looking at the texts that aren't there. I am back to self-deprecating KK, pointing out idiosyncracies and musing on whether or not THAT is why I've scared all the men off. (Case in point, I have been asked numerous times whether I'm dating a classmate that I'm always around and who's engaged - obviously why suitors are intimidated.)
Ultimately this is a process that I needed to tackle in order to find happiness in the present. Sucks. But summer is the best time because I'm right out straight until school starts again, at least - and then it'll be another crazy year. I'm also thinking about signing up for match - eep? Thoughts? It just hadn't really occurred to me, and now it seems to be popping up in conversation with friends, on blogs, etc. Apparently we're getting to that age - and it couldn't hurt? Well, it probably will hurt to go on painful dates, but in the end I need to work on my interview skillz anyway. Let's play multi-tasking with my emotions and job prospects... heyoo. I'll keep you posted with my adventures, and hopefully it will be less painful than this.
Loneliness, (and let's be clear, I've been everywhere but home for the past 6 weeks and living the dream and I am so so so whiny to even be admitting that I feel a tenth of what so many other people do), has been a great motivator! I am a gym rat like I haven't been since probably 2008, I'm down 5 pounds, I get into the runners high thing where I don't really need to stop but kind of do because I'm ready to do something else or it's hot out. I found a gym at school where there are no thugs just parking themselves on the weights, so I lift! My arms are getting definition back! I have been eating like a girl (instead of like Cartman) and have gotten myself back on the kick where I crave protein rather than salt and sugar. And sugar! I'm trying to go without artificial sweeteners - going back to one packet of sugar in my coffee - and coffee is going down to ONE cup a day. I think my stomach has always been kind of mushy, and it turns out that artificial sweeteners and beer are super bloating, so I'm avoiding those. I'm trying to ween myself down on my compulsive gum chewing. But I'm still loving ice cream. Can't stop, won't stop.
All of this is doing WONDERS for my sleeping. I have never been a great sleeper, and tuckering myself out physically and cutting way back on my coffee intake is doing great things. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT? Oh right. Everyone.
And because this is the most happy thing - everyone I know has complimented my tan. Thank you, thank you, I look like a beach baby while still working full time and taking summer classes. That's dedication, and I will happily accept the accolades and all those "hey, nice tan"'s from coworkers.
It's back in my heart in a big way. I think I just made the definitive new country playlist for summer 2k12. Overwhelmingly about summer, happiness, and dranking, with a teeny tiny bit of heartache - but nothing too cheesy. Sorry this is blurry, but I think it's legible enough.
Any other suggestions for me? Keep em happy or angry, I don't do sad, unless it's in a wistful "you don't know her like I do" way. Then I'll consider it.