Monday, August 23, 2010
Elle: This is what I have to become!!
Old Lady: What? Practically deformed?
Elle: NO! A law student!
I can't count the number of times I've seen Legally Blonde. More important, my dad probably beats me. Despite the 5th grade teacher who dubbed me "the little ankle biter" and told my parents to expect a lawyer in the family, despite the feeling of underachievement I've wrestled with prior to biting the bullet and applying to school, despite knowing that eventually, someday I'd be sitting in that first, terrifying day of classes.. I'm still shocked it happened today.
The reading list is massive, one professor said "you know that movie where 'there's no crying in baseball?' yeah, there's no passing my class", and some punk stole my sweet water bottle from under my desk between classes (really? we're that ghetto? you stole my water bottle and let the schmo sitting next to me keep his computer? dude.. i gets thirsty in three hours of class). BESIDES all that... I'm stoked. I am in nerdy, geeked out heaven. Please try to refrain from stuffing me into a locker for admitting this.
The thought of law school over the past few years has been an anxiety-inducing, stomach-wrenching, fear-filled nightmare. Current students told me not to go. Business-owners who hated practicing law tell me it was the worst mistake of their life. The debt is a pretty scary commitment. But c'mon. I have wanted to go to law school since I knew what a lawyer was. I have gone from fighting the injustice of eating all my peas in order to receive dessert, (still makes me shiver), to making reasoned arguments about the inequity of my little brother's curfew being more flexible than mine, (no, it's not 'different for girls'). I understand that those who've warned me have come from a good place, and I appreciate their forthcoming and honesty in trying to prevent me from making "the same mistake" as they have, but I am so glad that I have taken this step. A struggling job market, a lot of late nights, and some mean professors will inevitably make me miserable in the next few years, but it finally feels like I am acknowledging the nay-sayers without letting it prevent me from doing what I wanna do. And I'm gonna do a damn good job at this. Promise.
My last hurrah weekend was spent with two wonderful girls that I've met through work over the past two years, and we spent the days arguing politics, eating bagels and cheese, playing cranium, and being mutual geeks. As much as I am preemptively mourning my social life with the inception of law school, I'm so ready for a challenge, to go to bed at night feeling accomplished, in a way that work hasn't been able to provide for me. Being an over-achiever kid just gives you the feeling that without school, or a consistent challenge or goal to strive for that you're wasting time. And as a kid, I sort of expected that working hard and this consistent need to push myself would make for a dull existence. With the wonderful friends I've made in college and beyond, I've found confidantes, kindred hearts, and fellow nerds that enjoy the same dorky things I do. I just wish that I could go back and tell teen KK that somehow, someday being a nerd would actually be kind of fun.
Please enjoy this post of excessive optimism, as I'm sure in a few weeks I will be screaming a la Kevin in Home Alone after applying after shave.